I’ve been away for a minute, but now I’m back. I’ve been incurring some inner changes and thought processes, actually taking those chill pills right now. So you know I have to get my VH1 “reality” dating show time in and currently the Bachelor is airing. I haven’t been keeping up with it so I caught it last night and there were six women left. By the end of the episode, he could only give away four roses. Poor guy, he was having a difficult time deciding between six beautiful, intelligent, and hardworking women. So after watching this I’m thinking isn’t this what real life dating feels like sometimes, especially when you’re single? Many women all vying for the same guy; or vice versa as in the case of the Bachelorette. At the end of the show I had to reflect. I felt bad for one of the older women, Heather age 30. She was so into this guy, I think his name is Aaron. I mean she was pouring her heart out on national TV for a guy I’m sure she hasn’t known that long. Not that there’s something wrong with having those feelings for someone you haven’t been dating that long, but she was going all out on TV! You should have seen the expressions that Aaron was making when Heather was trying to get up under him in the Jacuzzi. She was kissing all on him and the guy was looking so disgusted! LOL! Poor girl!
During the rose ceremony, she was looking so depressed like she knew she was going to get cut. Aaron even said in his one on one with the camera that he was not attracted to her. Personally, I thought she was the prettiest lady there well one of the prettier ones, but what does this tell you? Looks are not everything. Guys can sense when you don’t have it together in the head. There is a vibe that is given off. Confidence is way more attractive. I mean even for guys. Women don’t really seem to be as attracted to the clingy man. I think we all want and need a little clinginess at times, but not to the point of feeling smothered. Heather was ready to get married yesterday, and Aaron just wasn’t feeling her and he couldn’t force himself to. I felt badly for her because I know how she felt. At the end of the show she was really crying her eyes out and saying “what’s wrong with me?” Aaron knew that Heather thought something was wrong with herself. I say, her problem was thinking that something was wrong with herself. It is better for people to understand that everyone is not going to like you, and you can’t force someone to like you. Sure you can try to manipulate someone, but in the end your true colors and theirs will always surface. The key is to be confident and to keep believing that the right person for you is out there. If you don’t believe it, then it will never happen. You have to release happy thoughts into the universe while continuously working on yourself and keeping your image and your Spirit in an attractive manner. So ladies, before you find yourself having a “Heather” moment at 30 or anytime, just remember, “I’m okay” and, hey if a man doesn’t pick me then so be it.
I did realize that Aaron was way more attracted to the youngest woman, Brooke age 22 and the meanest woman, Helene I think her name was she may have been 27. I include this to say, I’m realizing that men of all ages enjoy and appreciate some innocence about a woman and possibly a mean streak, but not too mean. Heather thought that Brooke being so young was holding her back, but actually Brooke’s youthful way seemed to make Aaron light up a little. So be yourself, but realize that a youthful glow will give you brownie points. It’s more about what’s going on inside of you rather than how you actually look or wear your hair…again, your Spirit, it will shine through…believe it or not.
As for the mean girl, she seemed to sort of get on his nerves. She was a little negative, which the other lady Hayley, I think that’s her name, who was cut thought was going to get Helene cut. Actually, Helene had the advantage because she forced Aaron to keep it real with the women and himself. His goal was to not lead anyone on. Helene challenged him and kept saying that she is not going to work too hard or just really put herself out there with her feelings if there is no guarantee. Her attitude allowed him to check his true feelings about all of the women and realize how “serious” the dating game was becoming.
I say that real life dating is similar to this show because you can be casually dating two or more people and like and appreciate different aspects about each person. In college, once a guy told me that dating too many women was becoming too expensive. You don’t have to spend money to have creative fun dates. You can go to free events, museums, parks and things like that. At the end of the day the Bachelor or Bachelorette, has to decide which person is for them and just hope that the feelings are mutual. I would hope that people would not just date in vain, but also that is something that can be established early on. It is good to know what you want from someone or what that person ultimately wants from you just to keep the lines clear. Some of my friends (guys and ladies) have said, and we’re all around the same age, that they don’t casually date. Whoever they are involved with is someone they can see themselves marrying. This makes sense to me, but I would want to make sure that the person I’m dating feels the same way. Just like having those check points. The downside is that some people will never fully disclose how they really feel out of fear of losing you especially if they don’t see themselves marrying you. Actually, that is unfair. I would say pray to discern what’s really going on so that there are no surprises. Often times, we intrinsically know where a relationship is heading after the first couple of dates. Just protect your heart and feelings, but not to the point of showing no emotion although that’s how some people operate. Just my thoughts. That’s all for the day! Thanks for tuning in!
Showing posts with label dating. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dating. Show all posts
Friday, July 17, 2009
Friday, May 15, 2009
"Mr. Right"
So I've been bumping the new Chrisette Michele in my car lately. My favorite song so far is entitled "Mr. Right". So now I'm thinking...hmmm...who is my Mr. Right? Because Mr. Right for one is not Mr. Right for all... Well, you know I'm taking a break from the dating scene, well attempting to...in the Summer time? :-( Booooo! I already told you about "Boos on Deck" lol...are any of them Mr. Right though...I'm remaining open to meeting him and maybe I've already met him...but I'm also just gonna take a chill pill...especially after those recent events that I've already told you about. So who is your Mr. or Ms. Right? Is he or she right in front of your face and you don't know it. Right now, I feel like I don't even have a clue. Wise people say, don't look...hmmm...what do you think?
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
When Your Ego Gets Bruised
What to do when your ego gets bruised?
Firstly, what does this mean? A bruised ago? It is the day you wake up and realize…you may not be “all that” or “he’s just not into you”. Funny right? But sort of true…I have had a few bruised ego moments…this is when I’m like…last time I checked in the mirror I was fine…thick, pretty in the face, smart…and so on and so forth…one of my wiser friends just recently assured me…it’s not you…it’s them or “him”. I’m like dang…what does a sister have to do these days to get some recognition and reciprocation for all of the hard work and love I put into these relationships? So what to do when the ego gets bruised:
1) Surround yourself with positive people, ie, girlfriends, guy friends, and family…they will always give you confidence…”saying it’s not you it’s them” or “such and such is stupid”.
2) Check yourself: look in the mirror…make sure you still qualify for being “all that”…if not…start a beauty/health regimen…hit the gym…by a new outfit…change your hair style/color…these things are only temporary but they help.
3) Randomly call, text, or email old lovers/friends of the opposite sex…this is encouraging sometimes…but be careful…do not go down a road that ended poorly…sometimes those ones from 5 to 10 yrs ago make you remember why y’all aren’t together and never will be…it’s like looking at where you came from…sometimes you can hook back up but…it may only be temporary.
4) Randomly call, text, or email someone you are not really interested in…the “new” guy you gave your contact info to…sometimes it helps, but then you may realize why you haven’t given him a chance…but it does stroke the ego.
5) Have sex…lol…okay, really be careful and selective with this one…if you are already emotionally distraught from the bruised ego or guy who kicked you to the curb, this is not always safe…especially if you really like the person who could be from the past #3 or present #4. (I don’t particularly encourage one night stands in this day and age…too dangerous…or if you are over the age of 21, ie out of college) Also, use caution when going back to a lover from 5 to 10 yrs or someone presently…in the heat of the moment people lose their minds…temporary insanity…want to go “raw”…not safe people…we all know this…fear of child out of wedlock should be the least of worries…
6) Get drunk! Again be careful…in your drunkenness…you are susceptible to poor decision-making…ie hooking up with past or present love interests that you really are not interested in…cussing out or calling the person who has bruised your ego…driving by such and such’s house…at this point…you have just become the crazy drunk woman…with no sense…
7) Okay…so this should have been first on the list…but pray…go to church…read your bible…once you figure out that the rest of that stuff you tried to do to make yourself feel better is only temporary…you will realize that the void can only be filled by God…it is my hope that filling the void with God and His Holy Spirit…will help to heal me (you) and prepare me (you) for what is to come…to try and be smarter in relationships…to avoid getting a bruised ego…how do you do this? Stay in faith…stay focused…weed out those being used by the enemy to kill, steal, and destroy…
I just don’t think that relationships and dating should be so difficult. Why do people lie? Why don’t people keep it real? Why does a good woman who will do anything for a man she loves…get drug through the mud and called “weak”? So what do I do to be strong? Show no emotion, and no feelings (like a man) When will he respect me? When I act as if I don’t care about him? The shit is crazy!! The truth is: a man has to choose a woman…now many times…when or if a woman chooses a man, it goes nowhere or only so far…what makes me mad is that when a man does chose a woman…the test begins…it’s like they test us to see how “strong” we are. We have to be a closed book…can’t tell them nothing or only a minimal amount of info regarding the past…it will always be used against us for him to decide…naw she ain’t it…they will use any little thing to disqualify a woman…once you have been cancelled out in his eyes…you might as well give it up…the ultimately sad part is that…if you fine…with a big booty…he will string you along…until you finally give up on him, he meets the “one” he’s been searching for, or you are acting too crazy!!
I’m tired of being “that chick”…drug through the mud…it can’t be all my fault…I can’t be this stupid…now I’m not ever going to switch sides…but I can see how a woman can become bitter…not ever give any man a chance…or just treat men like ATMs or whatever ya know…pay before you lay, that type of thing…or just give up dating or even date interracially…(another topic) because no matter the race some of those similarities still remain…
--Signing off for now
Much Luv,
“Dr. Rae”
* When all else fails, just write a blog about your ego getting bruised and get your online friends involved in the discussion…this is a good band-aid…LOL!!
Firstly, what does this mean? A bruised ago? It is the day you wake up and realize…you may not be “all that” or “he’s just not into you”. Funny right? But sort of true…I have had a few bruised ego moments…this is when I’m like…last time I checked in the mirror I was fine…thick, pretty in the face, smart…and so on and so forth…one of my wiser friends just recently assured me…it’s not you…it’s them or “him”. I’m like dang…what does a sister have to do these days to get some recognition and reciprocation for all of the hard work and love I put into these relationships? So what to do when the ego gets bruised:
1) Surround yourself with positive people, ie, girlfriends, guy friends, and family…they will always give you confidence…”saying it’s not you it’s them” or “such and such is stupid”.
2) Check yourself: look in the mirror…make sure you still qualify for being “all that”…if not…start a beauty/health regimen…hit the gym…by a new outfit…change your hair style/color…these things are only temporary but they help.
3) Randomly call, text, or email old lovers/friends of the opposite sex…this is encouraging sometimes…but be careful…do not go down a road that ended poorly…sometimes those ones from 5 to 10 yrs ago make you remember why y’all aren’t together and never will be…it’s like looking at where you came from…sometimes you can hook back up but…it may only be temporary.
4) Randomly call, text, or email someone you are not really interested in…the “new” guy you gave your contact info to…sometimes it helps, but then you may realize why you haven’t given him a chance…but it does stroke the ego.
5) Have sex…lol…okay, really be careful and selective with this one…if you are already emotionally distraught from the bruised ego or guy who kicked you to the curb, this is not always safe…especially if you really like the person who could be from the past #3 or present #4. (I don’t particularly encourage one night stands in this day and age…too dangerous…or if you are over the age of 21, ie out of college) Also, use caution when going back to a lover from 5 to 10 yrs or someone presently…in the heat of the moment people lose their minds…temporary insanity…want to go “raw”…not safe people…we all know this…fear of child out of wedlock should be the least of worries…
6) Get drunk! Again be careful…in your drunkenness…you are susceptible to poor decision-making…ie hooking up with past or present love interests that you really are not interested in…cussing out or calling the person who has bruised your ego…driving by such and such’s house…at this point…you have just become the crazy drunk woman…with no sense…
7) Okay…so this should have been first on the list…but pray…go to church…read your bible…once you figure out that the rest of that stuff you tried to do to make yourself feel better is only temporary…you will realize that the void can only be filled by God…it is my hope that filling the void with God and His Holy Spirit…will help to heal me (you) and prepare me (you) for what is to come…to try and be smarter in relationships…to avoid getting a bruised ego…how do you do this? Stay in faith…stay focused…weed out those being used by the enemy to kill, steal, and destroy…
I just don’t think that relationships and dating should be so difficult. Why do people lie? Why don’t people keep it real? Why does a good woman who will do anything for a man she loves…get drug through the mud and called “weak”? So what do I do to be strong? Show no emotion, and no feelings (like a man) When will he respect me? When I act as if I don’t care about him? The shit is crazy!! The truth is: a man has to choose a woman…now many times…when or if a woman chooses a man, it goes nowhere or only so far…what makes me mad is that when a man does chose a woman…the test begins…it’s like they test us to see how “strong” we are. We have to be a closed book…can’t tell them nothing or only a minimal amount of info regarding the past…it will always be used against us for him to decide…naw she ain’t it…they will use any little thing to disqualify a woman…once you have been cancelled out in his eyes…you might as well give it up…the ultimately sad part is that…if you fine…with a big booty…he will string you along…until you finally give up on him, he meets the “one” he’s been searching for, or you are acting too crazy!!
I’m tired of being “that chick”…drug through the mud…it can’t be all my fault…I can’t be this stupid…now I’m not ever going to switch sides…but I can see how a woman can become bitter…not ever give any man a chance…or just treat men like ATMs or whatever ya know…pay before you lay, that type of thing…or just give up dating or even date interracially…(another topic) because no matter the race some of those similarities still remain…
--Signing off for now
Much Luv,
“Dr. Rae”
* When all else fails, just write a blog about your ego getting bruised and get your online friends involved in the discussion…this is a good band-aid…LOL!!
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