Interracial Dating, Cougar Life, and the Sexual Energy of 22 yr/o Men

Long title for an entry I know…It could probably be a book within itself. Initially, this was supposed to only be about interracial dating, but I had such an exhilarating weekend that I needed to include all topics. So here goes.


As the weekend comes to a close and I contain the spirit of Sexual Goddess “Blanche Devereaux”, you remember our Golden Girl, Rue McClanahan, as well as other sexy Cougars; Samantha from Sex and the City; Mariah Carey; Demi Moore; and “Ms. Berry Ms. Berry”, who we all know as Halle; I have to reflect upon my own Goddess energy which has recently created an influx of young male attraction. Lawd, I must be glowing or something!! LOL! Pure Self-Love in full effect and taking flight…the almost 30 vibe and loving it!!

As you know since May 1st I’ve shed at least 15 to 20lbs, which was the goal for my 30th Birthday on September 25th. Well weight loss brings with it an exuberant flow of confidence, which we all know is very attractive and sexy. I just didn’t know that dropping 20 would draw in sooooo many men. Whew! I’m overwhelmed! Oh and not just any men; 22 year old men! Mercy! I feel like “fresh meat” all over again only with some wisdom this time. I mean they are black (African-American); they are white (of European descent); heck they are even of mixed race descent (like I don’t know the ethnic background), which I believe we all have something in us if we were born and raised in the heart of what we now know as America.

All I know is that I’m feeling like “Rae the Cougar”, more so in theory not practice; for all you scholars. And for the non-scholars, it just means that the Youngins have caused me to really consider this whole Cougar thing, but I haven’t actually begun practicing the ideal. LOL! (just keeping it PC…politically correct) Let’s just say that the flirting with the idea has really been fun and entertaining. I honestly feel 22 again. (smile). One of my young white boys told me I was “vibrant”. (He actually has a very strong energy…whew I can still feel that…lol). I think they even forget that I’ll be 30 next month. Ha ha! It’s cool though. These young 20 something males have such a powerful energy. They just draw me in…lol…there is something to be said again about Soul connections. You can feel how they supersede the physical realm. The Soul is who we are outside of this body. We all look very different outside of this body than in this body. I’m sure we all look identical outside of this body…possibly. What does Spirit look like? Just think about that for a moment. The most racist person is obviously out of touch with what is and has happened on a Soul level. Hmm…makes you think…

We are all approaching a new level of consciousness as the world continually evolves…so it’s not a surprise that I can connect with the consciousness and energy of the 22 year old male (despite race), if he is an open-minded and free Spirit such as myself. I’m thinking that Spirit knows no age…I do know that love is blind so in turn love is ageless (so no more trying to figure out Ashton and Demi or Nick and Mariah). I’m learning that any situations that I’ve previously misjudged, I’m being confronted with; and I’m totally okay with the learning process. It feels good. And I just love new experiences and sharing them.

For so long, some Sistahs have been giving some Brothas such a difficult time about their choice to date outside of their race. I used to be one of those women. Angry, single, black woman; well not anymore. Some of my best friends and favorite people would not be alive if it were not for interracial dating, mating, and relating. As I began to release that hatred, I also began attracting my own interracial dating experiences. Sure there are a few cultural differences, but there is also so much to learn and share with each other. Now we all may have a preference for who we would like to marry and bring home to mom and dad. The truth here is that, whomever you prefer to bring home, is who you will bring home. That’s really all I have to say about that one. I have a long list of the characteristics of who I would like to bring home…all the way down to even a preference in race. However, I happen to enjoy the company of men and meeting even culturally different ones. I have not stepped foot outside of this country yet, but have been afforded the opportunity to meet and mingle with such diverse people. I feel blessed to have encountered these experiences; that some people may never have because of fear or any other personal barriers they may possess.

In honor of this post, check out a scene from one of my favorite movies, "A Bronx Tale". Ha, my family used to say that I looked like Jane back in the day. Oh and how I used to love me some "Tom Anstey" when I was a little girl, but only my grade school friends know about that love connection. Where is Tom today? lol!!




C, had just learned that you only get 3 "great ones"...Soulmates maybe? So I guess Jane was one of his great ones! :-)

Your "Singledom" is Not a Curse! It's a Blessing!

It's starting to make sense to me now... one of the many reasons for the oversaturation of Single Sistas and Brothas (ages 26-34+). I believe that We are the last of a dying breed. Our singledom is not a curse. The World needs saving! And the youth! There's so much work to be done! Being married could hinder your work. Paul was on to something in 1 Corinth 7:25-28. Basically remain as you are, married or unmarried. Live to do God's Work! vs 25 "Because of the present crisis, I think that it is good for you to remain as you are". The "Cosby Ages" have ended. We can work to restore that; fighting against unseen forces, but it takes Man and Woman to truly be on board with one another.

In Love with Love (2010)

I am in love with love…


I don’t want to be…

I do but I’m so afraid…

Maybe this time, it will work

Are you here…

Should I write about you like the others

Why are you here?

Am I forcing you to be

Us to be…

Are you that reflection of me?

I am in love with you…

The idea of you…

The idea of us…

Could it really be

I feel like giving up on love

Naturally…

I want you…

Make this go away

If it’s not true

I’m not this open

I want you in every way

Not just physically

But mentally, spiritually and emotionally

How do we get there?

I think we’re almost there

Work with me…

Flow with me

I feel you

Connecting with me

Are you scared of this love thing?

Let’s see how far we can go…

Love, love, love

I am in love with love…

How to Be Happy Exactly Where You Are!

Just a lil Sumthin Sumthin... ;-)

How to Be Happy Exactly Where You Are in Life!


Each day is a new day! Learn from the mistakes or mishaps of yesterday. This is the way to keep moving forward in life and to cultivate a happy life; an inner contentment no matter where you are (geographically); regardless of your income level; or even marital status. Learn to be happy exactly where you are in life; and whatever you don’t like about your life or circumstances learn the best ways to go about changing them. Take baby steps because some things do not change over night. The best and most lasting changes take time and so much effort. Cultivate effort, change, and happiness each day. Do not beat yourself up about yesterday; or even failed relationships or even failed job situations. Move forward into tomorrow with a positive outlook and work to get the best out of each day. And some days, just take it easy and relax. You can be happy exactly where you are in life today!

Happiness really has to come from within. What makes you happy in life? You have to decide this for yourself. Can you still be happy on your worst day or when things don’t go your way? Sometimes, you just have a good day and other times you have bad days, but you have to choose happiness. Today was a good day for me. Why? Well, some things went my way. At times, things come along that feel like struggle, but when those things begin to resolve you can do nothing but be happy and filled with joy! We would like everyday to be like this, but the truth is sometimes life will test your endurance and ability to cultivate your happiness. For some people having a love life makes them happy, for others it is their children, and for others maybe it is their occupation. Maybe for some it is a combination of it all. Can a person truly have it all? I believe so, but I also believe that this takes some work. We have to decide what makes us happy, and what are we living for or doing in life to cultivate that euphoric state of happiness!

"Rain"

“Rain”

Wash Me

Cleanse Me

Purify Me

I am Renewed, Refreshed, Rejuvenated

Your Power Impacts Me

Fills Me

Heals Me

I Welcome You

Rain On Me!

A Sprinkle, A Mist, A Storm

I welcome you,

I hear you on my window

And at my door

I welcome you

And all you represent:

Abundance

Life

Growth

Maturity

Strength

Change

I welcome you

I accept your Purpose

And Will for my life

Rain on me…

As The Seasons Change, So Must We

Rae Luvs 2 Write- Special Autumn and My Birthday Edition!
As the Seasons Change, So Must We!

Happy Fall Everyone! And Happy Birthday to Me (Friday)! Today is the official first day of Autumn. Where I live, it has been looking and seeming like Fall for about a week now. Lots of rain…and gray skies…I was starting to think that it was Winter with all of the gray, but by the time I would get dressed and go outside it was still hot…and some days cool. Just getting us ready for change. At first, I was resistant. I must confess, I slept in (late) a few days because of the rain…I just couldn’t snap out of it or into it…I’ve been thinking…isn’t this what life is like sometimes? Different seasons in our lives?…sometimes changes occur rapidly. Other times, change is slow. Regardless of how we may feel about change, it is the only constant in our lives even when or if it doesn’t look or feel like it. As for this current season we are in, for farmers this is harvest time for corn, pumpkins, squash, beans, and wild rice, the chief Native American staples, all the things we love to eat during this time of year! So tell me, what are you harvesting in your life? A new season, no matter which season, is the beginning of some things and the ending of others. So what is new in your life? Sometimes you can’t see it yet because it is not quite time. For example, just because today is the first day of Fall doesn’t mean that all of the leaves will be a different color tomorrow. So whatever the seeds are that you have been sowing in your life, do not give up on them. Since we are in the harvest season, there is plenty of time for these things to sprout and grow into fruition. Embrace this new season of change!

Now how about your love life? Now you know I’m not going to leave you without commenting on love in this new harvest season. Are you having a love harvest? If not, again, keep watering those seeds. Here is a quick guide to love in any season; We’ll call it Rae’s Quick Seasonal Love Guide:


Fall = Fun, Football, Friends

Winter = Cozy, Cabin Fever, Cuddling

Spring = Flirty, Flowers

Summer = Playful, Pool Parties


Let me know what you think!! Or if you have suggestions for loving and finding love in any season (Particularly this one).

Speaking of Summer, now we must say goodbye. So here’s an Ode to Summer to help us welcome in the new season.

An Ode to Summer

By India Arie

“Summer”

Goodbye summer hate to see you go

I wasn't ready for autumn wind to blow

So lonely

We had a fine time holding hands in June

Warm in a sunshine watching love in bloom

Where are you now?

My heart is frozen in this place

waiting for another summer's day

to bring you back my way

Hello winter, watch the swirling snow

I didn’t have a blanket for the cold

So lonely now

My heart is frozen in this place

waiting for another summer's day

to bring you back my way

I'll be waiting under the poplar tree

anticipating when you'll come back to me

in the spring, in the spring yeah

Hello summer kiss from my old friend

been such a long time, tell me how you've been

so lonely now

My heart is frozen in this place

waiting for another summer's day

to bring you back my way

Goodbye summer hate to see you go

Also, check out the link below if you are interested in fun Autumn topics!


http://www.farmersalmanac.com/topics/autumn

Digital Love

Has technology enhanced or complicated our love and dating relationships?

Now this is a topic I have been wanting to discuss for some time. When you hear the phrase, what do you automatically think? E-harmony? Match.com? Facebook? Myspace? Online dating...Internet dating…the virtual hook-up…well whatever you think of, it’s all the same. Do you really think that people are “networking” on myspace and facebook? (Some are…either that or being nosy, trying to see what past lovers are up to and if he or she is married/in a relationship what have you) That’s just something you say when you don’t want to seem desperate for a date…”networking” yeah I’m making some assumptions here…lol Anyway, how is the digital environment affecting the dating scene? I will tell you my thoughts, and then let me know what you think.

I think online dating/mating is and can be fun. Yes, I’ve tried it! Lol “networking”. If you’ve never met the person before, it can be a lil scary, especially upon the first meeting. You don’t know what to expect, and you pray that the person is really who they say they are or the same person as the picture on their profile. Beware of people who try to “holla” who don’t post a pic at all. I don’t think anyone is that silly, but you never know. If you are meeting someone you met online for the first time in person, please bring a friend…and try not to just make it a “hook-up” unless that’s just what you are on (protect yourself).

Some of the benefits of the digital love world include e-mail, texting, instant messaging, and video/camera phones and web cams (I don’t have one of those), these amenities aid in keeping in touch especially for long distance relationships. Yes, we’ve come along way from the pen pal method. This works if you met the person out and about or online. The only disadvantage is that sometimes these methods can replace the need for “real” time or even just time on the phone. Believe you me, “there is nothing like the real thing baby” so the lil cute daily texts and e-mails are enough to sustain you while you’re at work or doing whatever it is that you do. When it’s all said and done though, these ways of communicating get you ready for the real time. Do you agree?

In reality, some relationships need not go any further than digital. Sometimes it’s just flirting…but when signals get crossed it can become hazardous…I mean you could really be feeling a person, but do you really know them if you’ve never really spent time with them or even talked to them on the phone? The digital world does help us with our busy schedules. Sometimes it’s just easier to drop a quick e-mail than actually spend time on the phone. This type of communication has turned me into a non-phone person. When it comes down to it, dating digitally or physically is just like this song my girl always sings “if your heart isn’t in it…” But it’s true…”where your treasure (time, money…emphasis mine) is, there also will your heart be” (Matt 6:21). So what are you making an investment in? Are you really just networking and having fun, or are you really trying to get to know someone? Or just making an online booty call? LOL! Regardless of your dating methods, the intentions of your heart will be revealed.

Is It Okay?

Is it okay that some days I’m not feeling myself?

Is it okay that some days I fear losing you?

Is it okay that some days I feel like I’m dreaming?

Is it okay that some days I don’t trust you?

Is it okay that some days I don’t feel I deserve your love?

Is it okay that I’m like this because of my past hurts?

Is it okay that you may have to work extra hard to get me to believe in us?

Tell me is it okay?

Is it okay that I think I’m in love with you?

Is it okay that I want to move away from my present to be in your presence?

Is it okay that I want to be with you?

Is it okay that I dream about you in the day and night?

Is it okay that I can see myself being your wife?

Tell me is it okay?

The Focus

Falling in love is not the focus…not right now…my life purpose is way more important right now. It is my hope that you will become apart of my purpose…but you are not the focus…the focus is me…my Creator…my destiny…my duty…what’s your focus?…my focus is to love…me and you…and what I do…one thing at a time…let’s fall in line…together…let’s love…let’s share…let’s make a difference in the world…together or apart…you are in my heart…but not my main focus…I do love you…but I do love me…and who I am to be in this world…friends’ love last longer than lovers’ anyway…you’re my lover and my friend…let’s focus on being friends right now…we’ll have plenty of time to make love…when the work is done…I’m working on me and you’re working on you…what a blessing to still have a heart connection without the stress…we have mutual understanding and respect…no better feeling between the two…just focus…see what I see…the big picture…the symphony sounds better once each individual note has been mastered…if I don’t do my part and you don’t do yours…our music will not blend…it will end in discord…we’ve both been there before…so right now I’ll just focus on mastering me instead of seeking to manipulate you to give me what I need…I give to myself…I receive what you give…I allow you the freedom to be you…and I freely give to you too…

Love Is Everywhere

Have you checked your love bank account today? Is it full or empty? Do you need more love in your life? Well if you look around you, love is everywhere! Love within or self-love, love from God, love from family, love from friends, love from animals. You see what I mean? Love is everywhere! If you are ever feeling depleted in this area, or maybe suffering from insufficient love funds, just take a look around. If you still don’t see the love or feel the love, how much love are you giving? What you give will be given unto you. I firmly believe in this principle. It may not come to you from the person who you are giving to, but it will come or is already present. You deserve love; especially God’s love. How can you live without love? Remember, love is everywhere and God is love. Love is within you. So give give give love and you will have a full love account and will receive so much love in return! Just look for the love. Sometimes it can become overwhelming, but we are all in this cycle together. The person who you love so dearly that may not be reciprocating in a way familiar to you or in the way that you give should not be deleted from your love cycle (unless it becomes too emotionally unstable). As you give to this person, you may receive many surprises along the way and/or secret admirers; people or persons you would not even notice or choose to love. So the love always comes back to you. I am speaking from experience. How can you not love someone who is loving you? Someone who is so endearing toward you? You may decide that I just don’t love this person the same way he or she loves me. It is clear to set some sort of boundaries so that you are not leading a person on into thinking that the relationship is more than what it is. Hopefully, you and the person can come to some type of terms for what the relationship means for the two of you. Words unspoken can be very hurtful.

So to keep the good karma coming in, try your best to establish love boundaries. Receive the love and reciprocate the best way you know how. Being in love and/or loving is a beautiful thing! Fill up your love account today!

Lovin' Me

I’m feelin’ myself…
Like never before…
This isn’t arrogance
Or false confidence
It’s Love…
Real Love…

I’ve waited my whole life for this moment
A Rebirth
I’m lovin’ everything about me too
Every curve, every blemish
And every kink

So cheers to all the jerks who didn’t want me
And thanks to the fools who let me go
I love me and that’s all that matters
30 is not the new 20,
Baby it’s better!!

Damn...

Damn…the chemistry is amazin’…
I know you feel it too…
You want me…just like I want you
But I’m not talkin’ bout sex…
I mean yeah that’s half of it…
But the other half is just into you...

Don’t do me like this…make me feel this love…
‘Cause what you got, is hard to come by…
Everybody wants some of that…
I got it too…you best believe it
Indescribable…
Words ain’t enough…
It’s a feelin’…

You know what I’m talkin’ bout?
What we got, makes the sex even better…
Let’s take it slow…relax our minds
Build up anticipation…cause you know I’m waitin’
I want you…for real…you know what I’m on…
Some real shit

Let me make love to you…every part of you
Your body…your soul…your mind…your heart
It’s gettin’ deep before we even start…
Tell me…are you scared?
‘Cause I am…
I never wanna be hurt again…

Dating as We Age

I was just thinking…is dating getting better as I age? I say yes! Sure I’ve had those days of reflection, and I think that I should have been married or had children by now, but there comes a time when most individuals unmarried especially reach a point or let’s call it a plateau. There is a point where a person feels like “whatever happens happens”. Not to thwart your heart’s desires or plans, but this type of attitude gives a person more patience while waiting for their Mr. or Mrs. Right. As I approach my 29th birthday, (so old right? just kidding) I now finally understand what everyone says when they say, oh just wait and/or just keep working on yourself, just keep on loving yourself. Hey, it finally all makes sense. All those horrible clichés no one wants to hear when they are in search of their Mr. Right. You know I’ve heard it all. Focus on yourself, find out what you like…blah, blah, blah. The reality is these sayings are so true. I’ve even heard, how can you truly love someone else if you don’t completely love yourself. I have to admit that one never really made sense to me because don’t we all have the ability to love our selves and others? But what that means is like on an airplane. They tell you to make sure you have your oxygen mask on first before you start trying to help those surrounding you. Okay, I love that analogy. How can I love on someone else if I dislike everything about me? And when you really love yourself, others can’t help but see what you see or feel the vibrations you give off. And if they don’t see what you see then you know what I always say “kick rocks” chump!! Lol

But yes, my outlook on dating is definitely becoming better as I age and as I continue to work on and love me. Like fine wine baby. How long does it take to get to this point? It is different for everyone. Not to be egotistical, but just to really develop an attitude of accepting nothing but the best from the people in your life or whom you date. It may take some people to have children before they reach this point or to encounter divorce. Some get this while they’re still young others long after 30 and maybe some never get it. But it is a beautiful feeling to possess; just being happy with yourself and still expecting to attract a wonderful mate. When you and your potential mate are both at this point in life, you can do nothing but make beautiful music together. You both realize your own worth, each others’ worth, and that you both deserve the best out of life and from each other. There is nothing like having this mutual respect and the union will be blessed.

Furthermore, on this plateau, some have discovered that being married is not apart of their life’s purpose. They have become very content with themselves or their work. They may realize that they don’t want to have children or be married, but possibly still date people or just one person. There is nothing wrong with this because married life isn’t for everyone. The key is to make sure that you are happy with your life whatever path you choose.

The Bachelor

I’ve been away for a minute, but now I’m back. I’ve been incurring some inner changes and thought processes, actually taking those chill pills right now. So you know I have to get my VH1 “reality” dating show time in and currently the Bachelor is airing. I haven’t been keeping up with it so I caught it last night and there were six women left. By the end of the episode, he could only give away four roses. Poor guy, he was having a difficult time deciding between six beautiful, intelligent, and hardworking women. So after watching this I’m thinking isn’t this what real life dating feels like sometimes, especially when you’re single? Many women all vying for the same guy; or vice versa as in the case of the Bachelorette. At the end of the show I had to reflect. I felt bad for one of the older women, Heather age 30. She was so into this guy, I think his name is Aaron. I mean she was pouring her heart out on national TV for a guy I’m sure she hasn’t known that long. Not that there’s something wrong with having those feelings for someone you haven’t been dating that long, but she was going all out on TV! You should have seen the expressions that Aaron was making when Heather was trying to get up under him in the Jacuzzi. She was kissing all on him and the guy was looking so disgusted! LOL! Poor girl!

During the rose ceremony, she was looking so depressed like she knew she was going to get cut. Aaron even said in his one on one with the camera that he was not attracted to her. Personally, I thought she was the prettiest lady there well one of the prettier ones, but what does this tell you? Looks are not everything. Guys can sense when you don’t have it together in the head. There is a vibe that is given off. Confidence is way more attractive. I mean even for guys. Women don’t really seem to be as attracted to the clingy man. I think we all want and need a little clinginess at times, but not to the point of feeling smothered. Heather was ready to get married yesterday, and Aaron just wasn’t feeling her and he couldn’t force himself to. I felt badly for her because I know how she felt. At the end of the show she was really crying her eyes out and saying “what’s wrong with me?” Aaron knew that Heather thought something was wrong with herself. I say, her problem was thinking that something was wrong with herself. It is better for people to understand that everyone is not going to like you, and you can’t force someone to like you. Sure you can try to manipulate someone, but in the end your true colors and theirs will always surface. The key is to be confident and to keep believing that the right person for you is out there. If you don’t believe it, then it will never happen. You have to release happy thoughts into the universe while continuously working on yourself and keeping your image and your Spirit in an attractive manner. So ladies, before you find yourself having a “Heather” moment at 30 or anytime, just remember, “I’m okay” and, hey if a man doesn’t pick me then so be it.

I did realize that Aaron was way more attracted to the youngest woman, Brooke age 22 and the meanest woman, Helene I think her name was she may have been 27. I include this to say, I’m realizing that men of all ages enjoy and appreciate some innocence about a woman and possibly a mean streak, but not too mean. Heather thought that Brooke being so young was holding her back, but actually Brooke’s youthful way seemed to make Aaron light up a little. So be yourself, but realize that a youthful glow will give you brownie points. It’s more about what’s going on inside of you rather than how you actually look or wear your hair…again, your Spirit, it will shine through…believe it or not.

As for the mean girl, she seemed to sort of get on his nerves. She was a little negative, which the other lady Hayley, I think that’s her name, who was cut thought was going to get Helene cut. Actually, Helene had the advantage because she forced Aaron to keep it real with the women and himself. His goal was to not lead anyone on. Helene challenged him and kept saying that she is not going to work too hard or just really put herself out there with her feelings if there is no guarantee. Her attitude allowed him to check his true feelings about all of the women and realize how “serious” the dating game was becoming.

I say that real life dating is similar to this show because you can be casually dating two or more people and like and appreciate different aspects about each person. In college, once a guy told me that dating too many women was becoming too expensive. You don’t have to spend money to have creative fun dates. You can go to free events, museums, parks and things like that. At the end of the day the Bachelor or Bachelorette, has to decide which person is for them and just hope that the feelings are mutual. I would hope that people would not just date in vain, but also that is something that can be established early on. It is good to know what you want from someone or what that person ultimately wants from you just to keep the lines clear. Some of my friends (guys and ladies) have said, and we’re all around the same age, that they don’t casually date. Whoever they are involved with is someone they can see themselves marrying. This makes sense to me, but I would want to make sure that the person I’m dating feels the same way. Just like having those check points. The downside is that some people will never fully disclose how they really feel out of fear of losing you especially if they don’t see themselves marrying you. Actually, that is unfair. I would say pray to discern what’s really going on so that there are no surprises. Often times, we intrinsically know where a relationship is heading after the first couple of dates. Just protect your heart and feelings, but not to the point of showing no emotion although that’s how some people operate. Just my thoughts. That’s all for the day! Thanks for tuning in!

The Best Kiss Ever...

I can’t even remember feelin’ this way about anyone…since I’ve met you I don’t want anyone else…you must have put a spell on me…I can’t stand not being around you…but I think I’ve fallen in love with you…your Spirit…and your Soul…when you kiss me…I swear I melt…your lips taste so good to me…I wanna be able to kiss you forever…is that selfish of me? I think that you were made for me…I hope this is not an illusion…if so, I’m going to enjoy it while it lasts…why is that when I think about you I get so emotional? Tears come to my eyes…I can’t explain it…but I know that when I’m with you…and when I think about you…something comes over me…something Supernatural…like I’ve made contact with another world…if this is love…this is new for me…I’m drunk…and high off of you…is this feeling enough to sustain the distance…the good and the bad? I hope you feel it too…I pray for you…I pray all your dreams and desires come to pass in your life…that I’m someone you could share your life with…you think you could grow old with me? Have we already done so in another life? I’m so glad we found each other…kiss me…kiss me…and never stop…I’m yours forever…

Developing a Thick Skin

I swear me having a BIG EGO is not an overstatement!! I have to laugh at myself sometimes…LOL ;-) You ever just feel like “I’m the SHIT” so why isn’t such and such giving me the play. The truth here is that the such and such I speak of is someone who I never should have given the “play”. In an effort to continue whatever we started, I have called and texted. I was successful in my pursuit too…but let’s just say that when the night ended, baby I was going home alone…hilarious to me…but it’s okay…my Ego, let’s call her “Latrece” just for fun and laughs…was hurt, devastated and shocked…not to mention no real companionship in three weeks (if you know what I mean)…almost four now…SMH…by choice of course…you know when you choose…you choose because the options are always present…I think…that’s Latrece talking again.

I’m going to make this one short today…so over the weekend I learned “when it’s over it’s over”. It doesn’t matter what you do…if someone is done fooling with you, they are just done…I now understand why Jazmine Sullivan busted the windows out the fellas car…I know how that feels to want to do just that…but watch out for Karma ladies…Have you ever found yourself cussing out someone on his voice mail or sending threatening text messages? With no return calls or texts? OMG…that was me…at the end of the day when you go home and lay it down…turn off your phone and wake up to a new day you realize okay…I’m cool now…I feel better now…everything for a reason. Makes me wanna delete this brother from my phone…I swear…

At the end of the day though…a host of rejection experiences have allowed me to develop a very thick skin…those who know me best know my sensitivities…but I’ve been through so much now in dating relationships that I’m like…I’m strong enough to withstand almost anything…anything that anyone tries to do to me…shoot has already been done…WOW! I just look back over my young adult life and just don’t even know or understand how I made it through…and how I’m still here…still hoping and believing that LOVE is still possible for me!! Let me tell you though…when God is the SOURCE anything is possible…I’m DIVINELY healed as well! Isn’t it amazing how God can just allow you to go through the fire and come out shining like pure gold?! So I thank and praise Him for that…and am learning to not sweat the small stuff…let my Ego go and know that what’s best for me is on the way…so all the JERKS have to be removed…Mr. Right Now can kick rocks!! LOL!

Blessings to you all!!

--Rae

It Hurts...

Call me emotional, but it hurts when…

You don’t call when you say you will…
When you don’t return my phone calls…
When you don’t text me back…
When you don’t make it your business to see me…

It just hurts a little…just a little sting because what I want and what’s reality doesn’t line up.
It hurts to know that I made some sacrifices all because I wanted to see you and be with you…
But you were too “busy” to notice or care…

It just hurts a little…just a little sting…

When I think about you all day everyday and even see you in my dreams…and still no sign of you.
It hurts because I choose not to make a fool of myself and keep trying to contact you…
It just hurts that I can’t even talk to you when I want to…
It hurts because I still don’t know you and you still don’t know me, yet I gave myself to you…

My body, my mind, my time…and my heart…I felt so connected…started to get that Soul Mate feeling…but what did you feel?
I don’t know…maybe you thought I was a “joke” or joking…

So it just hurts a little…just a little sting…

Distant Lover

I think I’m gaining an understanding of having my heart stolen, captured, and left in another city or cities. Have you ever felt this way? This feeling of wanting to be with someone who is thousands of miles away…It’s like being sprung…in one sense, being single means just love locally or date locally or enjoy being with the one or ones who are close to you…but love knows no boundaries…when you love someone or we’ll just say extremely like, you want to be with, talk to that person everyday in every way you can…despite boundaries. Do some people shy away from distant relationships because of this feeling? Create a sense of detachment out of fear of not being able to get to the one they want to be with. I haven’t felt this way in a long time…just giving up the locals for someone distant…how does this happen? I think for women it’s easier to give up the locals more so than men, but I may be wrong ;-) “If you can’t have the one you love, love the one you’re with”…sounds like something a man would say…would you truly be happy in doing so? Or maybe that song actually means, you better love who loves you…but ok, I’m seeking something mutual here…lol So the other day, I decided to listen to some Marvin Gaye. “Distant Lover” this song explains it all…I mean it sounds like he had a summer love, and they had to depart from one another. Seasonal lovers…it’s like trying to turn a season into a lifetime. So as we continue to search or not search for love…which in actuality throughout this journey we continuously learn about ourselves and ultimately if we did not possess that self love, find “that” in the search. Inherently, the lesson is to not give your heart away too soon…some type of trust and understanding of communication should be established first…in situations near or far.

So I am learning, but I also see why it takes some people a long time to trust, love, or give away their hearts. I’m not saying not to love or trust, but when you do love so freely, openly, honestly, everyone is not ready to or doesn’t receive it…so you can love by letting them go or developing a sense of detachment…only a detachment that protects yourself but does not hurt others’ feelings. It can be a catch 22. The lesson: love yourself…sounds overrated, but it is true…when you love yourself, it doesn’t matter what someone does or doesn’t do to you or for you. You have already taken care of yourself…

Hmm…in loving someone who is distant or being/acting distant, one may wonder, what is the point of loving or having someone who you can’t be with or see or talk to? Again, I guess the point is more so to learn about yourself. There is something called a “love language”. We don’t all possess the same one. Someone who is acting distant may just have a different love language than you. Okay so that’s a positive. In my mind, I’m thinking…”if he doesn’t call/text…stalk or etc. everyday, something is wrong with him…should I take a hint…he doesn’t love me or let alone like me”…but it’s like when we’re together…everything is perfect and roses or when we do talk…so there is definitely something off in the communication…or maybe I’m just reading too much into what seems to me like a lack of communication. Now if the stalker was someone that I didn’t like, then I’d be annoyed…a catch 22. Kind of a sad situation because I want things to be one way, but in the reality of my mind they are this way…long distance…not committed…hmm…don’t talk/text everyday…detached. Again what’s the point or purpose?

Maybe I’m void in the department of self-love, which is why I seek an outside source of love…hmmm? Ok, just maybe…maybe I need to re-focus, change my focus. Again, just let this person go…allow them to be free and to communicate their love language to me or not…I’ve already communicated mine…even if they don’t care, don’t receive and are not listening. Do I change or alter my love language? Feel bouts of sadness from having withdrawals of him? Find someone else to love? The answer to these questions is NO!! Be yourself, cheer up, and love you!! Change takes time, but we must work on it everyday. Self-improve…read, work out, stay busy, work on career, hang with family and friends, date others (if you’re feeling up to it)…there’s a lot to do while sitting around waiting for the one you love to call…the one who already knows how you feel about him…I am not one to hide my feelings, but I can’t control what someone does with that info. I don’t know his reaction. He says that the feelings are mutual, but I don’t see that in his actions.

Again, I’m learning…more so about me than anything or anyone else…my aim is to be free from all of my anxieties…to get through this process and come out loving myself more…knowing myself best…expecting the best in life and from others…but also with the reality that things happen and that I can’t change someone and that regardless of what I do or say, people are going to be and do themselves anyway with or without my love. Right now, I’m reluctant to start anything new or rekindle anything old. I’m not up for it. I just want to do me…and work on me…I know that I’ve fallen in love with someone…but is it really love…okay so I won’t say in love, but that I do love someone…again though…”if it isn’t love, then say what it is” lol…another song. Seriously, it may feel like love, but it could be infatuation…the opposite would be unconditional love which involves the ability of sacrifice…would I give this person a lung…an arm…a kidney…whoa!! So maybe it’s not love…it’s a good feeling, but not when it’s not reciprocated the way I expect it. So I would like to see where these feelings lead me with this person…maybe it will just be “history” or something to go in the “friend” file…which is okay with me right now ;-) It hurts a little…but who said that growing had to feel good…I know that I will look back on these experiences a changed woman…a “grown” woman…a wise woman…and someone who is at peace about my life for choosing to not harden my heart despite what people do or don’t do.

"Divine Appointments"

I believe in “Divine Appointments”. My Life Mentor first introduced me to this concept. Divine appointments can occur in relationships with family and friends, love relationships as well as people you don’t know (those you meet in passing or those you meet for the first time)…have some of us unknowingly entertained angels ;-)? Divine appointments are unplanned events/meetings with people…Regarding love relationships, this can be a joyous time! It’s like really liking someone, wanting to see them or talk to them and they walk by or call! It’s like praying and searching for your soul mate, and meeting him or her the next day. God and our Angels set these things in motion…whether this person is here for a season or a lifetime, they come into your life for a purpose…it is something that you can feel in your soul. You know what you need, and they are there to provide it…it could be in conversation, exchange of ideas, healing, networking…you name it…you learn something in all these divine appointments.

I have been encountering several of these lately…with many people…not just love interests. I have also been getting in tune with my Angels. Google Doreen Virtue and you will know what I’m talking about. Our angels will help us bring desires to pass. Regarding love, I’ve often gone in with “rose-colored” glasses on…hmm…doesn’t that feel like the best of times? It is important to maintain communication with your love interest so that you will know if you are both on the same page. Lack of communication is one of the things that make dating and relationships so difficult. What happens when you take off your tinted shades? When all the truth is revealed? Will you be able to love unconditionally? Will you be able to let someone go if their season in your life has ended? We must pray everyday and hope for the best in our dating life, and constantly conduct self-checks. It’s like checking in with yourself and then checking in with your love interest. There is so much deception to look out for…you have to make sure that you are being real with yourself and real with others. The “love” feeling is definitely a scary one and a good one at the same time. We have to be able to love openly and accept truth. Enjoy Divine Appointments while they last and learn, learn, learn…and love, love, love…

"Mr. Right"

So I've been bumping the new Chrisette Michele in my car lately. My favorite song so far is entitled "Mr. Right". So now I'm thinking...hmmm...who is my Mr. Right? Because Mr. Right for one is not Mr. Right for all... Well, you know I'm taking a break from the dating scene, well attempting to...in the Summer time? :-( Booooo! I already told you about "Boos on Deck" lol...are any of them Mr. Right though...I'm remaining open to meeting him and maybe I've already met him...but I'm also just gonna take a chill pill...especially after those recent events that I've already told you about. So who is your Mr. or Ms. Right? Is he or she right in front of your face and you don't know it. Right now, I feel like I don't even have a clue. Wise people say, don't look...hmmm...what do you think?